When I was a freshman in high school, you drew me a diagram trying to explain scales in music class. I haven’t seen you in years, and I’ve found happiness since then, but you were the first person I ever loved.
To this day, I sleep with that piece of paper folded inside my pillowcase.
I like to joke that J.K. Rowling is writing my life, but honestly, it’s getting creepy.
You are tall and red-haired and handsome and don’t like school and you can always make me laugh and when you get angry you blush and your eyes snap and it makes me shiver.
I am short and my hair frizzes in the heat and I could spend all day studying and school is my life and I’ve been so afraid to fess up because secretly I was too afraid of getting hurt, so instead I flirted with a jerk and watched you care about it.
And you fell for that gorgeous blonde girl, and I can’t blame you, but I got jealous, and it was obvious to everyone.
And then we finally kissed, and it was electrifying.
I do not actually have a crush on you, so maybe this isn’t the right venue for this letter. I just wanted to drop a note somewhere into the universe that puts into print the nice things that I think about you - maybe karma will deliver them someday.
You are one of the most frustratingly stubborn people I know. She says you’re surprisingly submissive, but I see how devotedly you look at her - have looked at her for all this time - and I know that she hasn’t quite grasped exactly why you’re “surprisingly” submissive to her.
I find it so admirable that you can do that. If it were me I’d have lost hope or patience a long time ago and walked out on the entire situation.
All signs point to her reciprocating your feelings. This makes me so supremely glad for you.
But on the off chance that she does wind up breaking your heart: as always, I am here to kick your butt into recovery mode.
So go ahead, chum. Keep throwing yourself towards the possibility of love. If she’s a rock, then I am the hard place and I’ve got your back.
I don’t know who you are. I don’t know where you’ll be traveling from when we finally meet. I don’t know what you’ll look like when you smile. I don’t know what your voice will sound like when I’ll look over at you in the morning from across the bed.
But I do know this: When we finally meet, I will make sure that your travel was worthwhile. When I finally see your face, I’ll make it my mission to put that smile exactly where it should be. And when we wake up, I’ll be there to make the coffee while you make our eggs.
Get some confidence, girl! The reason why things haven’t worked out in the past is due to the fact that you’re too hard on yourself, even though you don’t realize it sometimes. So build yourself up and tell yourself you’re gorgeous & sweet, because you are, and you need to make your new guy realize that.
"Are you okay?" you asked, several seconds into our hug.
"…yes…" I answered. "Why?"
"You’re holding me a lot tighter than you usually do."
I was so excited to be in your arms that I hadn’t really noticed that I had thrown mine around you with a lot more enthusiasm than usual. Whoops! I had already opened my mouth to apologize when I felt you shifting your grip to pull me even closer. So what actually came out of my mouth was fueled by my flustered, fluttering brain and was a lot lamer than I would have wanted.
You’re not ever going to read this. You don’t use tumblr. You use msn to wish me a happy birthday, or if you’ve been trapped by snow. Sometimes I wish it were the 60s, so there would be no internet, and you’d still be around 3,000 miles away, but we could write, and I could complain about how de Valera is always going to be around Ireland, and you could rant about that dang upstart Kennedy who doesn’t wear hats. (Breakfast at Tiffany’s would be showing at the pictures, and beehives and kitten heels would be acceptable casual wear - but that’s not the point.) We’d also have the excuse of the Bomb meaning that it’s now or never.
Obama doesn’t wear hats either, and I hear kitten heels are back in vogue. Hmm. There’s always 2012. It’s now or never, really, isn’t it?
I read a lot of letters on this site that mention how difficult cross-country/state/time zone distances are to handle. It makes me feel a bit guilty, because you’re a ten minute walk away and that seems like light years. Hell, you could be sitting right next to me and it would be too far.
…it’s really okay with me if you move a bit closer.
whenever you explain something to me, whenever you tell me a story, whenever you talk non-stop for a minute or two, half of my consciousness just watch how your eyes sparkle, how your lips move, and how your cheeks blush.
I’m typing this out while looking at you. I wonder if you can tell how infatuated with you I really am? I wonder if you ever wonder about me? I wonder whether you know my name or not. I wonder if typing this for all to see is healthy. I wonder if you’ll turn me down when I go over and ask you to a movie…..
I loved you for as long as I remember, quite literally. I remember you helping me tie my shoes in kindergarten, and how I listened for your name during role call because I was too shy to ask it, how I would pray all through elementary school for you to randomly decide to sit with me at lunch, and when I put up with being enrolled in your mother’s extracurricular art classes just because it meant a chance I might see you again, and when you were the only one in my entire life that protected me from the bullying and the ridicule. You are my hero, and I strive every day to be worthy of the love of someone like you.
You would be 26 now, if you were still alive. You died three years ago, and I never told you of my crush. I still love you to this day. I never so much as told you I liked you.
To everyone who has a crush, I assure you - YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE, AND EVERYTHING TO GAIN. Do not wait one more moment out of fear, anxiety, apprehension, uncertainty, or any other reason to tell someone how you feel. You never know if you’ll have another opportunity.
To August - I would give my life to tell you how much your actions in life meant to me, how much you as a person meant to me, how much you changed and saved my life. I would give my life to know you are at peace wherever you are.